The Power Of InfluenceJul 11, 2022
In relationships, there are problems that we just won’t solve, due to natural differences between us and our partners, but if we can learn to manage these differences in a healthy way, then our relationships have more chances of success.
One of these ways is allowing our partners to Influence us.
Yielding to win, means accepting, understanding, and allowing our partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into our decision-making process, as a couple.
It means really listening to our partner and forming compromises so that we both feel satisfied.
Which is really more like yielding to win-win, and that's what we're aiming for.
The notion that “father knows best” may seem old fashioned, but whether we admit it or not, it’s still deeply ingrained in our culture.
Dr. Gottman’s studies published in 1998 indicate that some men have difficulty letting go of the idea, that their opinions are the only ones that matter.
Ironically, the ones who learn to yield, and who convey respect for their spouses’ opinions, are the ones with the happiest marriages.
These men are emotionally intelligent partners.
Learning how to yield, not only makes our relationship stronger, it makes us grow as a person.
It’s most likely that men who resist their wife’s influence, do so without realising it.
It happens, and that’s okay, but it’s time to learn how to accept influence.
It’s both a mindset and a skill, cultivated by paying attention to our partner every day and supporting them.
This means working on 3 essential relationship components:
- Building awareness of our partner's needs and desires
- Expressing our fondness and admiration
- Accepting emotional bids for connection.
And when conflict does happen, the key is to listen intently to our partner’s point of view, to let them know that we understand them,
to ask them what they need, and to be willing to compromise.
One way to do this, is to identify our core needs and search together, for where those needs overlap. Then we can find common ground upon which to make decisions together.
Letting our partner influence us is especially important when it comes to conflict resolution.
All couples argue, everyone faces moments of anger, frustration, and other negative emotions, but couples who reduce negativity by deploying repair attempts have stronger marriages.
Dr. Gottman’s research also shows that, unfortunately, 65% of men respond to conflict by escalating the negativity and deploying the 4 Horsemen that can lead to divorce:
Using one of the 4 Horsemen to escalate a conflict is a telltale sign that we are resisting our partner’s influence.
Rather than acknowledging our partners feelings, this kind of partner is using the 4 Horsemen to drown them out, to obliterate their point of view.
One way or another, this approach leads to instability in relationships.
Partnerships can teach us to be better friends, better listeners and more open to considering opinions, other than our own.
Accepting our spouse’s influence may not always come naturally, but the growth we derive from employing emotional intelligence leads to healthier relationships, not only at home, but in every area of life.
That’s how we accept influence.
Do you want to have a happy and stable relationship?
Make your commitment to your partner stronger than your commitment to Winning.
If you do that, you win, your partner wins, and, most importantly, your relationship will thrive.
Thanks for listening and I hope you found this SNIPPET helpful in understanding why we need to be open to influence from our partners, to strengthen our relationship.